Today I am tired. Physically and emotionally. I started a new job, so I can no longer say “I am retired.” LOL! But for sure, I am tired. Radiation treatment for cancer started last week. 28 times I will lie on that table while the machines circle my body. I hadn’t planned any of this. I had determined to not do treatment. However, after much deliberation, I said no to chemo, and yes to radiation. So here we are… and then the unexpected happens, a close friend slips away at the hands of laced pain medication. She was 22. It’s been a difficult week, working a new schedule, daily radiation treatments, and grief.
Sometimes life is just like that. We have seasons of plenty and peace, as well as lack and suffering. I imagine we wouldn’t know the difference if we didn’t have both. I seek out more quickly a place of shelter and rest in weeks like this. It’s been good to run to my “Daddy” with my tired body and broken heart. There’s a deep confidence in knowing that with outstretched arms He will welcome me every single time, and especially when life gets a little too hard.
Yes, I have questions. And the answers may never come. But it’s okay to not understand and have questions when you are being held by the One who knows all things. I don’t know why I got cancer or why my beautiful young friend never got to experience all the dreams within her heart. I wish I wasn’t dealing with the fatigue from cancer treatments and a new schedule. But amidst it all, I have peace. I will walk victoriusly through this season of suffering by knowing my Father is holding my hand, and when I get too tired to walk, He will carry me.
