There comes a time in life when you quit fixating on the mistakes you have made and start remembering the good times. So many years I have grieved over decisions that took my life and the lives of those closest to me in a direction that hurt us. Good intentions never make up for wrong choices, choices that can’t be undone. We move on, leaving behind the fractured pieces of broken promises, and words unspoken. Somewhere in between there is space. It’s untouched, where we leave the unchangeable. It can become a barrier that keeps us from remembering the good and the beautiful.
Lately, I find myself climbing that barrier and peaking on the other side. I wish photos that capture memories had been as easy to snapshot fifty years ago, then I couldn’t argue against the evidence. However, the pictures of the good times etched in my memories are still there! I just need to remove the barrier.
Peering from the top I can see memories with my children. Teaching them how to curry a horse, singing in the car, playing Monopoly, snuggles in bed. Memories of starting over in a new place with hopes awakened. Jobs well done. Friendships that made me laugh. Why haven’t I been able to see them? Fixating on the mistakes have built walls that kept them from my memories and have blocked my vision. The mistakes have been rehearsed like a continual rerun of a horror movie. The fear, the anger, the hurt, built a barrier in the space between. I couldn’t see. God help me break down that barrier that has become a fortress in the space between!
We must scale the barriers and return to those places of brokenness carrying with us articles needed to tear down the wall in the space between so that we can see clearly. In our pouch we carry forgiveness, apologies, acts of kindness. Sometimes we can go to the places and people with these tools and sometimes we can’t. More time than not, it’s the person you see in the mirror. Nevertheless, we take out the tools, break down the barriers, and bury the fragments so deep that they can never again take up the space in between. Only then can we see to pick up the unbroken pieces and put them together to gaze upon this beautiful mosaic of this thing called our life.
