I woke this morning with a feeling of being settled and at peace with my life. It’s not uncommon. Honestly though, that’s not always the case. Sometimes I feel like my heart is searching. How can I create cherished memories for those I love? How can I make a difference? Will there be time? Sometimes, I feel both, at peace with where I am in my life and a yearning desire to leave an imprint on the hearts of “those” I call mine.
On the days I feel restless, it’s like I need to do something, or fix something broken. I have accepted my inability to go back and make amends for mistakes I have made in my life that may have hurt others. I have asked forgiveness and I have forgiven myself. I wonder though when my life is over if good memories will outweigh the bad in those my life has touched. I don’t know. I do know that I need to bury that hatchet once and for all. I need to live for today, love the one in front of me, and make a difference in the lives of others one kind act at a time. And when I make mistakes or I am misunderstood, know that my intent is never to hurt anyone, and sometimes that has to be enough.
For the last couple of years, I have been keenly aware of the season of life I am in, and that I am not promised tomorrow. That’s true for me even more since the cancer diagnoses. The cancer is gone. I don’t want to be sick. At this time, I have decided to not choose preventive options that may present other physical challenges down the road. Therefore, it is even more imperative I do not live with regret and despair. I can no longer binge eat on food when I feel anxious. I can’t stay on the couch instead of going for that walk in the sunshine. Living a healthy lifestyle is no longer a choice. There are many more memories to still be made and I want to live every day of my life to the fullest!
I am so thankful. God in His mercy has met me at every fork in every road and has picked me up every single time I have stumbled. I have been blessed with a beautiful family that loves me. I have friends that I know will always be there for me. All my physical and financial needs have always been provided for. I can still do what I need to do to live a long and healthy life. Most importantly, I know Whose I am, and He will perfect everything that concerns me. I need only to surrender my fears, regrets, and longings to Him.
‘Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. ‘
